One of the first things that people come to know about our family is that we have five children. At restaurants, at the grocery store, at the library – let’s face it – they’re hard to hide. And when people learn that we’re Catholic, their initial looks of shock (and, frequently, horror) at our numerous progeny turn to a knowing nod of the head, as if they are saying: “Ah, good Catholics! That explains it!”

But it really doesn’t explain it.

We have never claimed to be the proverbial “good” Catholics. If anything, we bought into the notion that the Catholic Church had fallen behind the times on some important lifestyle issues. We figured that the Church’s teachings against contraception were just a ploy designed to keep the pews and collection baskets full. In fact, we ignored the Church and used modern medical technology to space our first four children just the way we wanted them.

But then, a funny thing happened.

As our children became older, we felt the need to make sure they were being brought up in the faith. To do that, we first had to rediscover for ourselves exactly what our faith was. What followed was an intense period of curiosity about the Catholic Church: why we do what we do; why the Church teaches what it teaches. On the surface, we were doing this for the better education of our children, but we ended up finding answers to our own questions – answers we had never bothered to seek out before. The biggest one for us as a couple was, of course, the Church’s insistent stance against contraception. As it turns out, the answer is incredibly simple – and incredibly logical.

We are simply being asked to recognize and acknowledge that God is the source of all life, and, as that source, He – and not man – is to determine when life is to begin and end.

We learned that the Church espouses the practice of Natural Family Planning (NFP) as a means of responsibly managing our household without slamming the door and willfully locking God out. It reminds us that sex makes us partners with God in the marvelous act of creation and is not simply a convenient recreation to be taken for granted.

Even though that concept made sense to us on a rational level, it was extraordinarily difficult to apply our new learning in any meaningful way. After all, we had been using artificial means to space our children for the entire duration of our marriage. We were psychologically dependent on it. To give up the pill would be as challenging to us as having to give up our phone or our car or any of our other modern conveniences! Besides, we wondered, didn’t using “natural” methods mean having a lot more children?

With a little more research, we quickly learned that the modern practices of Natural Family Planning are not some kind of blind dart toss at the calendar and they are definitely NOT the rhythm method of forty years ago. They are, in effect, the same medically sound and proven techniques that couples use when struggling with infertility problems – only used for the opposite ends. And they respect the gift God has given us in making us partners with Him in His ultimate creative act. We decided to give it a try---for a few months at least.

Now that we’ve been using natural family planning for almost four years, we have learned that it pays unexpected dividends. It takes what is an undeniably fulfilling physical act and makes it spiritually fulfilling as well. It puts LOVE front and center in the act of “making love.” It has improved our communication with one another and has fortified our marriage on many different levels. We are the better for it.

Yes, we have added a fifth child to our family since beginning our practice of Natural Family Planning, but she did not come “accidentally” nor “by surprise.” We knew what we were doing when we were doing it, and we were fully aware of the consequences and gladly accepted them. And, that night, we reaffirmed our love for each other, our commitment to each other and our family, and invited God back into our partnership.

By Kathy and John


Due to world wide access of these sharings, last names have been omitted from our parishioner testimonies.  Please do not reprint these sharings without permission.  Please request permission for additional usage by contacting the Natural Family Planning Ministry Team.  Thank you.